he reminds me

I have found my mirror. 

When I feel alone in the world, he stands beside me and lets me know he’s there, that he’s got my back. When I’m most scared to be vulnerable, he shows me that it’s safe to be who I am, no matter how much I feel desperately unloveable in the moment. He doesn’t leave. Instead, he calls me beautiful.

He stands with me, walks through life with me, beside me. Sometimes quietly, sometimes loudly. He speaks directly to my shame, looking deeply into my eyes, confronting it with love and reminding me that it is a lie. He affirms that we are stronger than any shame could ever be.

He’s not my hero; I don’t need to be saved nor rescued. I’m the hero of my own story. I’ve been on this path of self discovery for decades – I know myself well. I am at peace with who I am. I know what makes me tick.

But no matter how much more comfortable I become in my own skin, my shame – the deep belief that I am unworthy and innately unloveable – still rears it’s ugly head now and again. It’s a lifetime of learning and growth.

We are not solitary creatures, we are always interconnected. Once my own personal foundation of self acceptance was in place, at some point I needed to take a risk and allow healing to happen at a whole new level: let someone else in when I am at my most vulnerable, when every piece of me wants to run and hide. Do what scares me the most. Let him love me. Trust that he can see what I am temporarily blinded to. Let him remind me.

I am his mirror as well. He allows me to be with him at his most vulnerable. Bits at a time, we let each other in. I watch how convinced he is of the stories his shame tells him, and I see right through the shame’s lies when he can’t. He sees himself as unworthy, but under the fear I only see beauty and truth. And I fall more deeply in love every time.

Important moment of realization. I see clearly that his shame is a lie, and I realize I can no longer deny that my own shame is a lie too. It is through the grace of our individual healing that transformation can happen. My spirit is touched at a depth that only he has ever reached.

I didn’t expect him. I didn’t know I was ready for him. But he is one of the best things that have ever come into my life, and I am so relieved that we said yes to this. All of it I would have missed had I not just shown up to whatever was in front of me. I could have run away in fear, but chose to stay.

He is my rock, my anchor, my pillar. He is my best friend, lover, soul mate. We are mirrors to one another. I am so thankful for all of it.

Love heals.

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