No matter where you go, there you are.
There, I said it. Out loud.
No, really. I said it out loud as I typed it. Of course, my cat shot me a look that confirmed what I’ve known all along: she thinks I’m mad. (Hey, just because she’s right doesn’t mean I have to stop talking to the empty loneliness in this house. It would miss me if I did.)
Breaking up sucks. Another out loud exclamation that brought me to near-tears as I said it. But not the kind of tears that you’re thinking. The words had no sooner tumbled past my lips when out of my mouth escaped a loud and sudden guffawsnort. (Which really pissed off the cat, by the way.)
Of course breaking up sucks. Who likes it???? Silly.
Through my strangely inappropriate belly laughing over the realization, this heartbreak is searingly painful and annoyingly dominating of my time, my thoughts and my heart.
I know that the heartache isn’t going to go away right away, so I might as well settle in and get used to it hanging around for a bit.
I’d keep myself busy and move on to other things to try to forget, but it’s so freakin’ fresh. Been around this block enough times to know that no matter where I go or what I do, there my feelings will still be. I’m going to have to be with them sooner or later, might as well be now. No sense in dragging things out. Deal and move on.
As a friend used to tell me, if you’re sad, you just go out there and be the best sad you can be. If you’re angry or hurt or rejected, just be it. Fully. In all its glory. As long as you’re not hurting anybody, do whatcha gotta do so you can truly heal.
So, being the best heartbroken I can be, I’m going to go crank up the tunes that meant so much to us and blubber all the joy and pain into my steaming hot tub of self-care and then watch it swirl down the drain.
Without the cat.